I'm just learning this *now*?!

tI always thought the end would come later. Much later would be preferable, and most likely running rampant with zombies, but I'd settle for December 2012.  I even planned for it. Maybe not to the point of building a bomb shelter and stocking it with non-perishables (who wants to live in a post-apocalyptic world if they don't have to? Especially off of canned peas and beans?), but I've done some fairly solid emotional preparation.  I never comprehended just how wrong I was. Thankfully, my malefactor gay (whose name shall be changed to Bruce...even in the event of the Apocalypse, anonymity must be respected) informed me of the rather inconvenient change of date for The END OF DAYS, which was the least he could do, since it's essentially his fault. And Bruce, darling, if you're reading thins, you owe me new December Pages for 2012. I penned it in, and now those pages are ruined.

In my indefectible hindsight, I see all the signs clear as proverbial crystal. The oil spill. The tornado in Alabama. The burning of the Harry Potter Series (and the fact that Twilight hasn't been, despite its cultish whore-in-training following).  The increase in gas prices. The outcome of the 2008 election. And to top it all off, my period started a week early.

Rather than kicking myself for my abhorrent lack of readying my mortal soul and rehearsing all of my excuses for Judgement Day, my time will henceforth be dedicated to the blogging of the events and general happenings throughout the final END OF DAYS. I might as well enjoy it, come May 22nd, I will be suffering and writhing as Their God smites the heathens, gays, miscreants, Neo/Pagans, Witches, Druids, Muslims, actual Christians, atheists, agnostics, The Blacks, every IT guy on the planet...and most likely, the telemarketers. Admittedly, I'm not nearly as concerned as I should be. After the epic rapture, I will have 5 months exactly to get my affairs in order, possibly build the bomb shelter if the coming days of hell-fire and torture allow it to be in my schedule.  I will have to prepare my cats to re-enter the wild, which I'm sure the little devils will greet with open, er, arms. If I'm lucky, maybe there will even be zombies.  And, if I may press my luck, cake.


Until tomorrow,
Blessed Be.